Mike Norris was recently hired as Marion High School C-team girls’ basketball coach.

Marion County Record sports editor Mike Norris recently sat down with newly hired coach Mike Norris to find out why he wanted the job and what he plans to accomplish.

Reporter: So, Mike, tell me, what interested you about coaching at MHS?

Coach: Well, Mike, you know probably better than anyone that I’ve always enjoyed coaching youth sports.

There are some talented players on the roster, and I like to do what I can to stay involved with any and all sports.

R: Have you ever coached girls before?

C: No, but I do have a daughter, and I’m coaching her in the game of life.

R: Fair enough. What about coaching with Randy Savage and Steve Janzen? How do you think that will be?

C: Is this on the record? OK. Well, I think they are both exceptional human beings and coaching with them will be a life-altering experience.

Yeah, that’s it.

R: Ohhh-K. So, Mike, what do you expect to accomplish as coach of the C-team girls?

C: Well, Mike, great question, as I am sure all the parents would like to know.

I am not going to accomplish anything. We as a team will accomplish whatever we can to the best of our abilities.

Don’t get me wrong; I love to win, and hope the girls love to as well, but preparing them for varsity play in the future is important factor number one.

R: OK, so you want to win at all costs?

C: What? No. Did you just hear what I said? Yes, winning is important, but preparing them for the future and helping them learn on and off the court is my number one concern.

R: So, what I am hearing is that you may even cheat to win?

C: What kind of a reporter are you? How did you even get hired? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

Winning-is-important-but-I-think-preparing-for-the-future-is-even-more-so.

R: OK, Mike. You don’t have to talk to me like I am five years old. I get it.

C: Well apparently I do. Any, other questions for me, Mike?

R: Yes a few more. Are you a Jayhawk fan? I am, even to the point of annoying people sometimes?

C: Yes, I actually am a Jayhawk fan. I know there are a lot of K-State fans here, but it’s like I always say, ‘At least it’s not Missouri’.

R: Yeah no kidding. I mean what is a Tiger anyway?

C: Umm. I think most people know what a Tiger is, Mike. I think the joke is the other way around, you know, ‘What is a Jayhawk anyway’?

R: Mike, are you a Jayhawk fan or not? Why are you making fun of the Crimson and Blue?

C: OK, you are weird. Anyway, can we drop the Jayhawk talk? Savage is a Wildcat fan, and I’m afraid he’s going to make me run in practice if we keep talking about KU.

R: Who is running this interview anyway, Mike? Let me ask the questions.

OK, moving on from the Jayhawks, what do you expect from the girls?

C: Respect, just as I am sure they expect from me.

I have no worries though. The students at Marion always have shown respect during athletic events.

R: What about a conflict of interest? Do you think working for the newspaper at the same time will be a problem?

C: Good question, Mike. I don’t see any problem. I have been given a vote of confidence from everyone involved at the school, and if anything I will be more involved with the girls’ and boys’ teams.

I will be fully committed to the team during the season.

R: Well, it sounds like you are excited about the job. Any last thoughts, Mike?

C: Well, thanks for giving me the opportunity to express my thoughts about the team even if you are a little on the weird side.

R: No problem Mike, and if I’m a little weird, what does that make you?

Editor’s note: The preceding column was a satirical interview with Marion County Record sports editor Mike Norris interviewing himself after being hired as the C-team girls’ basketball coach.