Another Day in the Country
By PAT WICK
© Another Day in the Country
This weekend, I called an old friend of mine — a woman I'd met when I was barely 20 and she was 10 years ahead of me with two little girls and a husband in divinity school. I do believe that, of all the people I've known in my life, Renie (short for Irene) made the biggest impact — perhaps because of my age when I met her.
I watched Renie, once I'd made her acquaintance in the office where we both worked. I watched her with her husband. I watched her in her home and how she put together a wonderful meal — her meals were always works of art, even though they may have been just a sandwich. I watched her with her girls and determined that even though I'd been raised in a rather "hands-off" family, I wanted to be able to touch, hug, play with, and enjoy my kids some day the way she obviously enjoyed hers. I watched her choose shoes — good quality, smart looking, unusual. To this day, I can see a pair of stylish shoes in a shop and think to myself, "Those are Renie shoes. She'd love them."
It's rather amazing to me the impact that a friendship can make on your life — especially when you're at that young stage of your life. Fresh out of your parents' home, fresh into your own home, your own future.
Being ahead of me on the pike of life, Renie continues to model. Last year she lost her husband to pancreatic cancer when he was in his 80th year. I've wondered how she was doing, wondered if this life transition was easier for her because she was pretty independent and her husband had always worked long hours, traveled a lot, been very dedicated to his ministry. When I asked, she said, "It's very hard, Patter (a nick name she'd given me). I thought it would get easier with time, but it hasn't." There was a pause. "You've lost people that you love. You can understand."
But I hadn't. I hadn't lost a mate of 60 years duration. I hadn't lost someone close, to a short and devastating illness. I'd mostly lost family members whose lives were already fading.
When I got off the phone, my immediate reaction was, "How do I protect myself from this kind of sorrow?" Quickly startled, I realized, "You can't." Loss is part of life just as much as discovery is part of life. Receive and release are all a part of the package of living and I'm not sure how proficient I am at either one. Perhaps "practice makes perfect?" But it doesn't seem to me you can practice loss. Loss is something unexpected.
Now what? I'm stymied, at a loss for words, devoid of solutions. What does one do to fill the void left my loss? I'm sitting here silent, with my fingers on the keyboard, attempting to close the circle, solve the dilemma, figure out some answers for myself.
Gratitude! That's the only thing I can come up with — you fill the hole, left by loss, with gratitude. Gratitude for the life you've lived, gratitude for the love you've enjoyed — even gratitude for the person you've lost. Gratitude for the things you have now — the measure of health, the neighbor next door, the kids who know your name, the people you love, the good book you are reading. And if the folks we cherish, don't know what a loss it would be to not have them in our lives, we've got to tell them.
Valentine's Day is on its way this week so how about releasing some loving words, good wishes toward those unexpected people who've been good to you. It doesn't need to be a friend you've had for 50 years — it could just be gratitude for someone you met last week — but here's your chance to share a little love, some gratitude, good feelings, joy.
The kids at school are all a-titter about their valentines, but at my age, the season is usually rather ho-hum. Not this year! It's another day in the country and I've got a slew of valentines to make, as a way of celebrating all the people who have touched my life.
Just in case you don't get one in the mail, consider this my valentine to you — the reader. I want you to know that you are loved and appreciated! I'm grateful for the time we spend together — five minutes over coffee, as you read your newspaper. Happy Valentines Day!
