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Another Day in the Country: Horseflies and Hondas

By PAT WICK

© Another Day in the Country

There's a horsefly in love with my Honda. And he's very protective of that car. When we walk near the car we're dive-bombed. When I get into the car, that darn horsefly is buzzing around my head. When I drive, he attempts to get inside the car and harass the driver.

At first I thought this affair was a figment of my imagination. Perhaps this was a different horsefly that was buzzing around the car in front of the house and then bugging us at the office. Maybe we had relay racers that began at the Ramona House and then another fly took up the baton when we reached Tooltime Tim's. This couldn't possibly be the same horsefly aggravating us endlessly in Ramona and then meeting us as we opened the car door in Tampa, could it?

For five years we've lived in Ramona and I don't remember horseflies being an issue around our home. And then this summer, a horsefly took up residence in or near the Honda and sticks closer than a lovesick Romeo.

There's a horsefly in residence at the door of Mom's back porch, too. He's shacking up with Mom's house, so to speak. When we go out and when we come in, it makes its presence known. Armed with the swatter, I've tried to exterminate it with no success. I've threatened to feed it to the chickens. They'd think it a tasty beefsteak size morsel but so far nature's scoreboard is horsefly-15, me-0.

I can remember horseflies in Kansas when I was a kid. I hated them. I was afraid of them. Not only did they irritate my grandpa's old draft horses, they were a threat to my safety as I jogged along on Jim's back, dreaming that he was a fancy saddle-bred steed. One horsefly biting in a tender spot, like a miniature Dracula, could turn a placid horse into a lunging menace!

While we had flies around our stable in California, they were normal fly-flies not these Goliath flies that I suddenly see this summer on my doorstep. Our troubling insects in California were yellow jackets who loved the urban environment and appeared in great number every time you stepped out the door with a plate of food for leisure patio dining. We sprayed Raid. We put up yellow jacket traps. And still, we were wary of these vicious little insects who could descend like suicide bombers as we took a bite of our roasting ears. Ironically, we never had horseflies.

The horseflies have captured my attention, that's for sure. The other day I was so intrigued that I watched closely where the horse fly was as I slammed the car door shut, made sure my windows were all closed and backed out of the driveway. I was going to Herington. As I drove down D Street the horsefly flew alongside the window, giving me the eye. When I stopped at Paint to look both directions the fly settled on the hood up next to the windshield to keep an eye on me. As I turned north and began to pick up speed the fly sat there gripping the slick surface of the car without a slip. Yes, I know that flies have sticky pads on their feet but this was super-glue. When I got to the blacktop and turned north I pressed the pedal to the metal and that horsefly finally was gone. Or so I thought.

I took care of business in town and then returned to Ramona, got out of the car, shut the door and that horsefly dive-bombed my head and got tangled in my hair. I think he was mad that I exceeded the speed limit for a minute or two and shooshed him off the hood. I think he thought I was putting his precious Honda in jeopardy.

It's another day in the country and as I drove to the office this morning, the horsefly came, too. If he had his way, he'd be sitting here typing, telling his side of the story but I told him to stay out there and watch the car.

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