Can't get at it
By PAT WICK
© Another Day in the Country
My mother was a very creative lady and she also was frugal, looking for any way to "make do" and save money. She also was a tally-keeping kind of gal, especially when it came to writing letters.
"Do I owe them a letter?" she'd ask, or "Do they owe me one?" Who owed who was the motivation for writing or not writing. When Mom got around to writing — that is if she owed you a letter — she would write very big on the page. We used to tease her and say that two sentences could take up one side of the page.
Because Mom's correspondence took up several pages, because she was frugal and creative, she loved making her own envelopes. She'd make them out of whatever she had, in any shape that pleased her and then she'd tape them shut. And when I say shut, I mean shut. We'd see one of Mom's letters in the mailbox and say, "Does anyone have a jack hammer to get this open?" There was no ripping open the side or tearing it with your teeth. You needed a seriously sharp instrument to read the contents of Mom's letters.
Evidently manufacturers have been taking lessons from my mom. Packages, these days, are getting harder and harder to get into. I sorta know their motive — they want things to stay shut — but, "Come on folks, we can't get at the goods!"
Take chicken food, for instance, or scratch grain. Those sacks are supposed to have a way to get into them — like follow the string — but if you start at the wrong end of the stitching, you're sunk. Couldn't they put a sign on it and say, "Start here!" But even that may not be enough to get at it! I'm going to have to start carrying a knife.
Cat food bags are just as difficult to open. And clothes washing soap. I had one the other day that read "Press Here" and advertised on the side, "easy opening." Yeah, right! "Press here" took lots more than pressing — get the gun!
A long time ago someone showed me the trick of getting into potato chip bags or the interior of breakfast food boxes. "You go to the middle seam and just tug on each side and they'll come right open." I was so tickled with this trick and used it for years, wowing all my friends who were still struggling with potato chip bag opening and ripping apart cereal containers with their teeth. And then something happened.
Yesterday morning I attempted to open up a brand new box of crunchy bran nuggets and the grab-it-at-the-seam trick didn't work so I tried my teeth and the plastic was so heavy I had to get a sharp knife. When that didn't cut it on the first try, I pulled, stabbed, and pried and finally succeeded in ripping the plastic, spilling cereal all over the floor.
"Folks, it shouldn't be this difficult to get at it." I bought it. It's mine. I'm ready for my healthy breakfast.
Last night, we were driving home and TTT said, "Would you open up that candy bar for me. You want some?" Seemed like a nice simple request and an offer, to boot; but by the time I got the wrapper torn open I didn't even want the contents. No easy access on that peanut butter cup. The list goes on with the peanuts, Slim Jims, jerky, and little electric switches that you have trouble even cutting out of their container only to find they are the wrong thing according to the instructions INSIDE.
You know this all started with CDs. When was the last time you tried to get into one of those little cases? First of all, it takes Sherlock Holmes to find a seam so you can get the plastic off of the case. About the time that you say, "Aha, got it," you then have to detach the little ribbon-glue-strip across the top of the case. A friend told me that someone has invented a tool for getting into these CD packages — for sale, of course. There's something wrong with this picture.
When I mentioned this subject to friends at art class, the room erupted in stories. Alice couldn't get into her favorite crackers, Betty couldn't get at her pills. Finally, Frankie said, "I've got an idea. We should call the Chinese, or whoever makes this tough plastic and suggest they put it on lawnmower seats."
Here I am on another day in the country with the same old dilemma. I just bought it and I can't get at it!
