From the Sidelines: Extreme Rhino Challenge better than it smelled
Sports reporter
I didn't even know if we'd make it past the first round.
Instead we were in the finals of the Extreme Rhino Challenge, standing on stage and staring at pig parts and some sort of drink that resembled what might come out of a pig.
When I signed up to do the challenge with my soon-to-be sister-in-law Jessica, I figured we at least could have fun with it. She loves "Fear Factor," and I love carrying around raw mountain oysters in my mouth.
So you could see why we had to partake of the inaugural event.
The first event was Thursday night.
After I jumped in the creek, swam out and retrieved keys on a raft, I had to bring them back to Jessica.
The problem was she was handcuffed to a tree trunk, while standing barefoot in a bucket of crawdads.
She unlocked herself quicker than most of the other contestants, and ran down the hill, to ingest a "drink" I was told consisted of oatmeal, Tabasco sauce, soy beans, and week-old sardines.
Who knows, that might have been to cover up what it really was.
After she forced it down, our time qualified us for the second round.
She completed an obstacle course, I made three free throws, and then transferred three raw mountain oysters in my mouth from a bucket of vinegar and oil to an empty one.
Our time of 2 minutes, 10 seconds was good enough for fourth, and a trip to the final round.
Now, had I known what mountain oysters were, we may have never advanced. But being the "city boy" I am, as my fiancé Jamie calls me, I had never heard of them. They just looked like some sort of animal to me.
Although we advanced, it was obvious the heavy favorites were Bill Griffith and Jared Hett, who completed their obstacle course-mountain oyster carry in 1:39.
Now I don't know Bill, but I found two things out about him during the competition. He'll drink anything, and he'll drink it fast.
That's what he did in the finals round better than anyone else.
The first event consisted of one teammate throwing a dart and the other drinking the extreme challenge "concoction" that sat on the table in front of us.
Jared hit a four on the dart board, and Bill drank them faster than Jeremy Vondenkamp in the 110-meter hurdles.
He quickly ran "to use the bathroom" right after.
We went right before Bill, and Jessica, who was the only girl and youngest contestant in the finals, downed the four drinks. I don't know if I could have done that, but I'm glad I didn't have to find out.
Just by completing the task, we moved to the next event.
This one involved the pig parts.
The other team members had to transfer pig parts sitting in spaghetti, fermented soybeans, and who-knows-what-else, into another bucket that had what we'll call "brown stuff" in it.
After three groups had gone, it was our turn. I knew if I went slow and steady and didn't drop anything we would have a chance at top three.
When the whistle blew I stuck my face in the "food" and what I feared happening, happened.
The smell shot up my nose like rushing water and I chomped down on the pig tongue, only I couldn't grasp it in my mouth.
After three tries I went for a smaller part and transferred three of them fairly quick. When I went back for the tongue, I grabbed a chunk of it and it dangled like a loose tooth from my mouth as I ran over to the other bucket and spit it out.
Our time was 26 seconds with Jared and Bill still left.
The cocky duo played to the crowd, and I told Jessica we could sneak up and surprise everyone as the "Quiet Assassins."
In the end they would have none of that, as Jared, who looked like he had done the event before, transferred the pig parts in a lighting-quick 13 seconds.
Their time bumped us to third, and gave them the first prize of $125 each.
We accepted our $25 each and third place in the first-ever Extreme Rhino Challenge.
The smell of the two-day event was terrible, but the experience was fun, it was well run, and we decided we probably would do it again next year.
Only next time, no mountain oysters please.
